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September 23rd, 2004

The Mystery of the Found Keys

After I checked my PO box on Monday evening, I noticed a pair of keys laying on a counter as I was leaving the post office. I picked them up and went to the post office’s “call window” and rung the bell. The place had closed up shop for the day about five minutes earlier, but I could still hear plenty of people on the other side. I figured they wouldn’t mind if I just turned in a pair of keys to them; after all, I wasn’t asking them to mail something for me or do any actual work. But they ignored the bell. Pretty much like they do during the day, actually.

So, I took the keys home with me with a mystery in front of me. Would I be able to find out who they belonged to? Fortunately, there were two clues on the keys that helped me out. One, the guy’s name. There was a small tag that said “Eric V*****.” I hoped that would make the search easier. I hopped on Google and Anywho, but only turned up one matching name in Virginia and that was in Hampton. It could be him, but the name seemed common enough that it seemed more likely to me he had an unlisted number.

The second clue was a Blockbuster Rental Card. So after renting 47 softcore porn videos, I called up the customer service number on the back of the card and spoke to a representative. “I’ve found these keys… and the only thing on them that might help is this Blockbuster card. I have what I think is the guy’s name, too, if that helps.” Apparently, the operators are ready to handle this type of situation because she took my name and number, called the number on the card’s account, and left a message telling him that I had his keys. The operator didn’t even flinch at my request.

The next night, I got a call from Eric. “I got a message that someone there found my keys?” he said.

“Yeah. In the Sterling Post Office.”

“Oh yeah?” was his odd response.

“Yeah… does that… sound right?” I asked him.

“I guess. Can you send them to me?”

And so he gave me his address and only a very mild “thank you.” He seemed pretty underwhelmed that I had taken the time to hunt him down. I mean, I’m not looking for a kiss on the lips as a thank you, but I thought I’d get more than I did.

That’s the story of the Found Keys. Feel free to use it as a bedtime story.

Posted in Everyday Life

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