The Daily Ping

Ain't no party like a Ping party!

June 20th, 2006

Don’t Take My Fluffernutter!

I tell ya, things are getting stupid and out of hand in this country. We’re fighting wars that will never end (both on terror and on drugs), we’re driving large armored cars, and people want to take Fluffernutters out of schools.

Fluffernutters, which I enjoy occasionally, are those delicious sandwiches with Marshmallow Fluff and peanut butter. That’s it. Nothing else. Senators in Boston are voting on a probably-well-intentioned but poorly-executed bill that would eliminate “junk” food from schools, including soda, so they figured they’d include Fluff as well. The funny thing is that they were originally going to prohibit marshmallow spread – that means you too, Kraft imitator! – but instead switched it to Fluff.

Senator Jarrett Barrios, the whiz wasting our taxpayer dollars on this genius move, said:

“I’m at home and my son wants to make a Fluffernutter sandwich,” Barrios recalled. “It turns out the Cambridge schools offer this as a nutritious lunch alternative to the meal of the day.” Noting that Fluff is 50 percent sugar, he added, “I’m not sure we should be even calling it a food.”

Oh come now. There are lots of things we deem “food” and still eat. As it turns out, though Barrios is something of a bandwagon-jumper… er, diet freak: he loves Atkins and salsa dancing. So you know he really hates America.

Anyway, Fluff won’t be on school menus in Cambridge, MA next year. But you know how there’s that ancient saying, “Out of the mouths of babes…?” (I don’t know how it ends either.) Here you go: 12-year-old Simone Rivard sums it up: “There shouldn’t be laws saying what you can and can’t eat.”

Bingo. Eat your Fluff. Enjoy it. Or not. But enjoy the choice to have it more.

Posted in Food and Beverage

What is this then?

The Daily Ping is the web's finest compendium of toilet information and Oreo™® research. Too much? Okay, okay, it's a daily opinion column written by two friends. Did we mention we've been doing this for over ten years? Tell me more!

Most Popular Pings