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July 2nd, 2000

60 Words, 60 Movie Reviews

(Exempting the title for each film.)

The Patriot: quality
Gone in 60 Seconds: fast
U-571: gripping
Head: intriguing
magnolia: awful
The Blair Witch Project: spooky
The Sixth Sense: creepy
Back to the Future: scott!
American Beauty: moving
The Green Mile: gorgeous

The Matrix: provocative
American Pie: ho-hum
Frequency: thriller
Dogma: good
Chasing Amy: better
Clerks: best
Titanic: overrated
Independence Day: purdy
Toy Story: yeehaw!
Ghost: sniffle

There’s Something About Mary: gross
Dumb and Dumber: decrepit
Jerry Maguire: fair
The Princess Bride: perfect
12 Monkeys: exciting
The Fugitive: great
It’s a Wonderful Life: classic
A Bronx Tale: wonderful
Good Will Hunting: cute
Grosse Pointe Blank: funny

High Fidelity: charming
Austin Powers: smashing
Austin Powers 2: funnier
Armageddon: drivel
Stargate: crap
Star Trek Insurrection: yawner
Star Trek First Contact: awesome
Star Trek Generations: eeeeh
The Birdcage: clever
Wayne’s World: excellent!

Big: fun
Ghostbusters: enjoyable
Ghostbusters II: sequel
Enemy of the State: yeah!
The General’s Daughter: okay
The Negotiator: boom!
In the Line of Fire: Malkovich
Shakespeare in Love: surprising
The Rock: good
Death Becomes Her: dark

The Man With Two Brains: dull
Three Amigos!: lame
Fletch: witty
Fletch Lives: satirical
Analyze This: disappointing
Rushmore: sleep
Total Recall: blast!
Speed: neat
The Immortals: trash
Empire Records: rubbish


Posted in Television, Movies, and Music

FROM: Marcus Mackey
DATE: Sunday July 2, 2000 -- 6:06:21AM
I agreed with all of the ratings, with exception to... American Pie. I saw this movie and laughed my ass off. Other than that... man, give this man a TV show, 'cause you can tell people more about a movie in "ONE" word, than Ebert can in 5,000 words and one thumb.

Not to mention, unlike Ebert... you're not full of yourself (for christ's sakes, he has his own reserved seat at every theater he goes to for his movie preview night!), and your analysis is definitely a step above, because at least a good majority of the American public actually could probably agree with most of what's here (I'd say 90% of the public reverses most of Ebert's ratings... 4*'s by Ebert is a yawner, and 1* is probably a blockbuster... it doesn't always work that way, but a good percentage of the time it does); at least in my eyes.

Then again, my ex-gf would probably claw your eyes out for the rating on Titanic, since she's seen it more times than I thought any movie should be. I mean, when you play a VHS tape so much that when you put it in the VCR and you can hear it squeaking from being worn out... obviously, you need to get out more. LoL

:::funded by the campaign to help put Paul on TV:::

FROM: dave
DATE: Sunday July 2, 2000 -- 10:51:23AM
Sounds like someone's been reading my mind, except for "Stargate." It's like "Independence Day," just empty your mind and let the movie carry you where it wants to take you. Kurt Russell's overacting and James Spader's patheticness (?) are always amusing too.

FROM: Ryan
DATE: Sunday July 2, 2000 -- 11:05:15AM
Gret Ping, Paul!

My few contributions based on your entries:

American Pie: Funnygross (one word!)
Independence Day: Turd
Total Recall: Tri-boob

FROM: Paul
DATE: Sunday July 2, 2000 -- 11:19:58AM
Thanks, guys.

I couldn't take Stargate although, as Dave suggests, it's probably a "check your brain at the door" film.

American Pie has its moments, and it was far better than the majority of teen-oriented films out there, but for me it just wasn't enough. Good laughs, not much more.

As for Ebert, I don't always agree with his opinions (who does?), but he writes rather entertaining reads now and then. His review of Battlefield Earth, which I want to see at the cheap show, was hysterical.

I can be full of myself if given enough money. ;)

FROM: Robert
DATE: Sunday July 2, 2000 -- 11:21:32AM
Were you trying to use 60 *different* words?

Caligula: incest!!!!!

FROM: Paul
DATE: Sunday July 2, 2000 -- 12:47:46AM
I was trying, but didn't succeed; "good" is used twice.

FROM: Robert
DATE: Sunday July 2, 2000 -- 2:44:01PM
I applaud you nonetheless. That's as difficult a feat to accomplish as writing a book without the letter "e".

DATE: Saturday January 1, 2005 -- 2:32:13 pm

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