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February 16th, 2001

Disney’s Chicago Adventure

Recently, Disney opened up it’s latest theme park – Disney’s California Adventure. Finally, instead of tourists having to do such tedious things as drive various places and experience genuine California life, they can simply visit one contained location instead! Thank God!

It got me to thinking, though… if Disney were to create a Chicago Adventure, what would it have?

  • Recreate Geraldo’s Famous Blooper! Try finding non-existant booty in the Al Capone’s Empty Vault Exhibit!
  • Survive Cabrini Green! Before the infamous CHA projects are torn down for upscale townhome development, try to avoid not only the wrecking ball… but gunshots, too!
  • Point A to Point B! Chicago is known for it’s wonderfully complete expressway and tollway system. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find a job, place of residence, and non-car method of getting from your job to your home… in the western suburbs alone. Good luck – you’ll need it!
  • Chicago Bulls Tryouts! No, I’m serious. Let’s have people try out for the Bulls right there.

Any suggestions for an adventure in your city? -pm



Posted in Miscellaneous

FROM: Old Fezziwig
DATE: Friday February 16, 2001 -- 8:56:16AM
Here in Cleveland, we could have a ride where you drive a car and try to avoid axle-breaking potholes in the street.

Oh can already have that experience everyday!

FROM: Robert
DATE: Friday February 16, 2001 -- 11:30:48AM
If they want to save families the unpleasantness of going to some place by replacing it with a theme park, how about Disney's Prison Adventure?

FROM: Matt
DATE: Friday February 16, 2001 -- 12:10:00PM
Robert- Complete with sodomy and weightlifting. Make sure to stock plenty of Bort license plates in the gift shop also.

FROM: Monica
DATE: Friday February 16, 2001 -- 12:51:04PM
Well, here in Madison it might be fun to try to spot someone who doesn't just complain, but also DOES something to change what they're complaining about.... Maybe if you can find ten people who are true activists, and not whiny annoying NIMBY lazy people, you could win a few thousand dollars!

FROM: liz
DATE: Friday February 16, 2001 -- 2:12:44PM
saturday night, where you try to avoid the wiliest of albuquerque's drunken drivers.

FROM: Robert
DATE: Friday February 16, 2001 -- 2:30:20PM
Liz--Did you ever see that episode of COPS in Albuquerque with that guy who only had a couple of fingers who was huffing silver spray paint? That was so very sad.

FROM: liz
DATE: Saturday February 17, 2001 -- 3:28:14PM
robert: no, but i do live a few blocks from the skankiest part of town, where the hookers are men and the drugs flow like water. so i see weird stuff a lot.

FROM: Robert
DATE: Saturday February 17, 2001 -- 3:39:31PM
Liz--That place sounds awesome, if you can live without sleep.

FROM: Tony
DATE: Sunday February 18, 2001 -- 8:29:07AM
future headline ---- Disney buys Florida during recession, creates massive geratric themepark on west coast ---- See the elderly in their natural habitat!

DATE: Saturday January 1, 2005 -- 3:09:52 pm

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