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August 3rd, 2001

Kenny Rogers Makes My Ears Bleed!

There’s only one commercial that can make my ears bleed… that’s so utterly painful to endure, I’m actually angry by the end of the commercial… that commercial is for Kenny Rogers’ Always and Forever CD.

It’s one of those 2-CD sets that costs the outrageous price of $24.99 plus $5 shipping and is sold on the high-class site alongside classics like AM Gold, Everybody Polka, Kidz Bop, and Monsters of Rap. I never was a fan of Kenny Rogers by any stretch, but I had no idea how incredibly awful he actually was until I heard him do renditions of “When A Man Loves A Woman,” “The Wind Beneath My Wings,” and “Have I Told You Lately That I Love You.” I’m telling you, folks, this makes that lip-synching Anne Murray commerical seem like Heaven.

But the absolute worst part of the commerical comes at the end, when Kenny starts belting out “I Will Always Love You.” It’s a song that’s supposed to be filled with emotion and dynamic singing, but Kenny treats it like a flaccid member and just lets it hang. He sounds like a nearly dead-dog’s monotone moan when he’s ready to give up the fight.

I wish somebody would tell him that he’s beyond a gambler for putting out an awful collection of covers like these. Maybe he should spend more time palling around with guys who like like Kenny Rogers and less time in the studio. How this guy is a country legend, I’ll never understand. You gotta’ know when to fold ’em, Kenny. -ram

Posted in Television, Movies, and Music

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