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October 10th, 2002

Birthday Law

Birthdays are wonderful. They’re one’s own little holiday, custom-made and complete with cake. So, I want to mention two birthday laws I’ll pass if I’m elected President (in 2016):

You get the day off. Come on, the last thing anyone wants to do on his or her birthday is go in and work for at least 8 hours. So take the day off. And if you have a significant other, he or she gets the day off, too.

You get to do whatever you want for free. Within reason. If I want to go skydiving today, I can do that for free. If I want to go to the Signature Room (a rather ritzy restaurant on the 95th floor of the John Hancock Building), I can do that for free. Free beverages, sponges, Q-Tips… you name it. Free stuff.

Any other ideas? I think it’s time we really appreciated birthdays ’round these parts, don’t you?

Posted in Everyday Life

FROM: Stevie Gee
DATE: Thursday October 10, 2002 -- 9:30:01 am
I'm 100% down with the whole "its-free-on-your-birthday" idea. I'd suggest one other "freebie": you get to punch one person without fear of retaliation. It's the old "free hit" concept, but it makes even more sense because it's tied to your birthday. This way, you don't have to waste your free hit on someone like your kid sister. You could walk up to your most annoying co-worker, let's say, and announce: "It's my birthday and I'm using my free hit on you." Then haul off. Of course, you'd have to follow traditional "free hit" rules and land the punch on the arm, not in the face or stomach.

Just a thought. Can't wait until my birthday to try this out on Ryan!

FROM: Ryan
DATE: Thursday October 10, 2002 -- 1:10:36 pm
You'll find out about the "free kick in the groin" corollary, should you try, Steve.

FROM: Rob [E-Mail]
DATE: Tuesday October 15, 2002 -- 4:22:30 pm
Ooooh... get somebody to take pictures...

FROM: Adam W.
DATE: Wednesday August 27, 2003 -- 4:46:32 am
I think birthdays should grant you one free nasty sex fest-day. I would envite the Olsen twins and the inventor of beer. Enjoy youre special holiday as you may. ..AND FORGET ABOT WORK! ---Happy Birthday.!

FROM: Debbie McClark
DATE: Monday March 8, 2004 -- 9:36:27 pm
I think y'all are nasty folk. How about giving someone a rub down in baby oil, or eating some vegan cookies?

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