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May 7th, 2003

The 2004 Election

Yes, it’s probably a little early to start discussing politics here on the Ping… after all, the 2004 Presidential Election is, well, over a year away. But, swinging by my favorite election-time site,, I noticed that there’s already some good 2004 information available.

I’m extremely disappointed to see that this year may be the worst in the last few decades for third parties: very few seem to be stepping up to the plate. And it’s not just that candidates from the more recognizable third parties (or even less recognizable third parties) haven’t confirmed that they’re running: a lot of them have already “disclaimed interest” in running. I’ll hold off on lamenting this in a long essay until closer to election time, though. For now, I just want to throw all of my support (and the Daily Ping’s support, I’m sure) behind a candidate who truly has a shot at winning this thing:

Henri Calitri, an independent from New Jersey. Here is an excerpt from his letter to describing his platform:

My political party believes in expressing as many laws to put forth as can possibly be conceived … My dreams consist of forming a unit composed of a modern couple who will assimilate information on the magic techniques of penis enlargement through articles in popular magazines and medical journals … I am looking forward to creating a large research office in discovering immortality for a human being to live till the age of 925 years … At this time, I believe that I must become the President of the United States of America, or something similar, to be able to effectively do this. I want human beings to survive, most certainly on earth, as a beautiful organism, in sync with all aliens also living in this zone of space, occuring in the dimension [of] Hell.

Clearly, he’s the man to support.

I originally thought the Ping should support Fred Cook, a retired school teacher with religious right wing affiliations that, in 2000 urged voters to “right [sic] in his name.” However, since he decided to attack for pointing this out (while at the same time stating that “I perfer [sic] the many volunteers who put forth their time and effort”), I’ve decided that my dream of voting for a retired teacher who can’t spell two syllable words will have to wait.

Calitri in 2004!

Posted in Politics

FROM: Paul
DATE: Wednesday May 7, 2003 -- 8:45:06 am
Actually, I'm going to just vote for Pat Paulsen, even though he passed away in '97.

FROM: Dave Walls
DATE: Wednesday May 7, 2003 -- 10:08:38 am
I'd love to see this guy on one of the debate, so the question can be asked "What does Bush think about penis enlargement?"

BTW, wasn't Calitri the bad guy from "Gone in 60 Seconds"?

FROM: Mike [E-Mail]
DATE: Wednesday May 7, 2003 -- 10:43:10 am
Is it too early for me to start asking for your vote when I run in 2012?

FROM: Tina
DATE: Wednesday May 7, 2003 -- 1:04:12 pm
Did you read this from the Fred Cook website?

"A KISS tribute band rocked into the late hours of the night in Athens, Georgia. Over 800 supporters including many young people showed up for the event. The high point of the night was when Fred Cook was lowered from the ceiling dressed up like KISS. This party was a part of his get the youth out to vote drive."

Isn't KISS a little extreme for "getting out the vote"? Seeing KISS would not be my main prompt to deciding I should register and vote. Why not use a Stryper tribute band? That's Christian ROCK!!!!!!! :)

FROM: Ryan
DATE: Wednesday May 7, 2003 -- 1:54:02 pm
I was thinking the same thing, Tina. I think it's hilarious that that was worthy of a news item/press release-type post...

FROM: Dave Walls
DATE: Wednesday May 7, 2003 -- 2:01:43 pm
Why use a Stryper tribute band?
I'm sure the actual band itself is available for a good price. ;-)

Disclaimer: Yes, I own two Stryper albums. Everyone has their skeletons. :)

FROM: Robert [E-Mail]
DATE: Wednesday May 7, 2003 -- 6:28:08 pm
I'm voting for Zippy.

FROM: Matt
DATE: Wednesday May 7, 2003 -- 10:15:00 pm
We certainly know what Clinton's stance was on penis enlargement.

Stryper? I have a poster in my closet autographed by the entire band, which was signed when they reunited a few years ago.

FROM: Chris [E-Mail]
DATE: Wednesday May 7, 2003 -- 10:30:36 pm
Stryper was on one of those "Where are they now" shows on VH1. The lead singer is running a Christian campground on Cape Cod.

FROM: Dave Walls
DATE: Wednesday May 7, 2003 -- 11:06:01 pm
Wow, I had now idea that there were so many closet Stryper fans around here..;-)

I say lead singer Michael Sweet for President. "In God We Trust, and To Hell With The Devil"

FROM: master of the obvious
DATE: Thursday October 30, 2003 -- 11:45:00 pm
GWB will easily win in 2004. the biggest problem with that is he still hasn't controlled spending. at least the dems won't get their greedy hands on the white house. amen.

FROM: Paul
DATE: Friday October 31, 2003 -- 12:01:49 am
If Bush wins again in '04, it will speak volumes about this country.

FROM: Yeahhhhh Baby!
DATE: Friday October 31, 2003 -- 12:36:33 am
If Bush wins again in '04, it will speak volumes about this country.

what volumes would that be? that people want a leader who can take on international terrorism while at the same time guide us out of clinton's recession (President Bush can now take a bow for implementing the tax cuts which helped save this country)?

i'll buy that book any day of the week.

FROM: Ryan
DATE: Friday October 31, 2003 -- 9:16:00 am
Who cares about Bush?

I care about Henry Calitri!

FROM: Dave Walls [E-Mail]
DATE: Friday October 31, 2003 -- 10:05:55 am
Since Robert hasn't chimed in, I'll play the devil's advocate.

"Ryan, I care about Bush...oh, we're talking about the President?"

Here's what I'm thinking about 2004 (assuming Calitri gets upset in the primary): Bush will win by a fairly big margin, with the help of conservative democrats. I don't see any of the current candidates having any ability to cross over, and most are pretty radical in their beliefs, which has the danger of alienating those who lean towards the left, but who hold a few conservative beliefs.

Personally, as a registered Democrat who voted for Bush in 2000, I don't see any of the current candidates doing anything but bashing GWB. I'd like to hear what they plan on doing..if they have a plan. Maybe that's the problem, I dunno.

The way it stands right now, I can't see anything changing.

FROM: Ryan
DATE: Friday October 31, 2003 -- 11:01:40 am
The main thing I fear is that Henri will come across the towing company Ping and then denounce our support of his candidacy. After all, he's an expert on the subject.

FROM: Paul
DATE: Friday October 31, 2003 -- 1:03:24 pm
i'll buy that book any day of the week.

The good news is, if you're a CEO, that book is given to you free. A kickback, you see.

(Sorry, couldn't resist....)

FROM: dave
DATE: Friday October 31, 2003 -- 5:53:58 pm
hey yeah baby:

the recession started in March 2001 - during bush's term.

under clinton's watch, we caught the perpretrators of the 1st wtc bombing, the guys who tried (and failed) to blow up a dozen planes over the pacific, the guys who bombed our embassies, and who tried to convince bush that osama was a danger (and was ignored).

plus bush's war has created the greatest terrorist haven ever -- in iraq.

and remember, a tax cut is really a service cut. no social security or medicare for you.

FROM: Yeahhhhh Baby!
DATE: Saturday November 1, 2003 -- 8:16:24 pm
uhhhmm... under clinturd's watch, terrorists were able to bomb the Oklahoma City Building, bomb the World Trade Center, obtain driver's licenses, go to flight school and plan the whole suicide mission into the WTC. They were also able to bomb the USS Cole, various U.S. Embassies, etc etc.

And what did clinturd do?


oh yah... he bombed an aspirin factory.

way to go, clinturd... the worst president (even worse than jimmy carter, and that's saying something) this country has ever had to endure.

FROM: Paul
DATE: Saturday November 1, 2003 -- 9:25:22 pm
Okay, I can settle for cheap shots at the President (as can any comedian, ever) but posting anonymous political drivel... er, comments - from either side - making attacks is pretty un-Pingish.

Let's put it this way: everyone always hates the President. Everyone always loves the President.

There! Problem solved.

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