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June 8th, 2003

Toilet Machine (or, Washing Toilet)

There was a separate, outdoor-accessible washing facility at my old apartment building. It forced me to go outside even in Chicago’s cold winters, but I did so because clean laundry is very very important.

One day I entered the normally-vacant laundry room to find three kids sitting and talking. One had an enormous black mohawk; one had torn jeans, a cut leather jacket, and a red-and-white striped shirt; the other had piercings and only piercings. I said, simply, “Hey” to them to acknowledge their presence as I loaded my clothes in the washing machine.

I returned to my apartment. An hour later I came back to find an odd odor in the room. I opened up my machine and found almost all of my clothes just sitting there, damp, waiting for the dryer. But that smell! What was it? Where was it coming from?

I opened the washing machine next to mine, and had my answer.

I also found that one article of my clothing was used as… toilet paper.

So what did I do? I emailed the landlords, of course; these also happened to be the most lackluster landlords in the world. That was the one and only time, until now, that I got to type the sentence: “There is human feces in one of the washing machines.” I got an email reply two hours later, sent as HTML, with giant red letters asking what happened and the like.

Then I found it odd that yesterday, while listening to This American Life, the editor of Found Magazine spoke of a hand-written note telling people not to defecate in washing machines! I was surpirsed and scared. Is this something that people do?

If so, it makes me glad that our current set is shared only with our landlords.

Posted in Toilets

FROM: Robert [E-Mail]
DATE: Sunday June 8, 2003 -- 10:41:41 am
When I was an RA during my sophomore year at college I spent two hours one afternoon during finals week trying to track down someone on the cleaning staff to report that there was human feces on the floor of our hall bathroom. What a rotten day.

FROM: jk
DATE: Sunday June 8, 2003 -- 3:58:29 pm
Time to move! Good grief.

DATE: Monday June 9, 2003 -- 1:11:20 am
All I can say is I'm sorry. That really does suck.

FROM: Game Show Man Joe [E-Mail]
DATE: Monday June 9, 2003 -- 1:17:54 am
Gadzooks! One of the few reasons I'm glad I still live at home.

FROM: Stevie Gee
DATE: Monday June 9, 2003 -- 2:03:12 pm
Jesus!!! Now I'm a bit apprehensive about checking out that foul smell coming from my toaster oven!

FROM: abu rammzy
DATE: Friday November 25, 2005 -- 12:42:28 pm
Dear sir,
Iam glad to be contact with you , i need a machine that include the following details
1- paper toilet machine with the following description
a- its power 3KW or 220V
b-one of its characterstic cutting the roll
c- Gives one or tow colour
d- the roll width is about 2meters
e- machine for toilet cartoon
f- package machine .
please give us the final prices for these machines , and if you have raw material give us the ton prices and quality .

yours sincerly

Abu Ramzzy

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