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Women make wilk, big whop!

December 2nd, 2003

Jewel’s 15 Minutes

I’m sorry to inform you of this, but it appears as if Jewel’s 15 minutes are up. (Not the grocery store! The singer!)

Her last album release was a big attempt at more poppy, trendy music (they say: “0304 is a solid, fun pop-album in line with the best works of Britney, Shakira, and the modern Madonna.”) The video for one of the songs on that album satirized Jewel selling out, selling things such as soda.

But now, Jewel is selling digital cameras and printers for Canon. I thought it was her voice – still rather distinctive – and as it turns out, it’s her. Soda, printers, same thing (they both taste sugary.)

Slightly moreso than that, though, is her official site. It used to be run by a group of individuals. Now, it’s run by FansRULE (dude! extreme!) who have placed everything of note behind a username and password. Great. As a bonus, it looks all 1998.

So, Jewel, I’d like to say that your 15 minutes are definitely up. Thanks for “Who Will Save Your Soul,” which was a pretty good tune at the time. But we don’t need Yet Another Person Cloning Britney and Selling Crap.

Posted in Television, Movies, and Music

FROM: Ryan
DATE: Tuesday December 2, 2003 -- 9:28:08 am
screw all u jewel haterz! just becuz ur jealiss, dont hate on jewel! she rocks!!

Sorry. I figured I'd get in before the floodgates opened.

FROM: Greg
DATE: Tuesday December 2, 2003 -- 9:33:50 am
I'm waiting for the hugely anticipated comeback tour '05! I hear the tour kicks off in her car in Alaska.

FROM: Dave Walls [E-Mail]
DATE: Tuesday December 2, 2003 -- 9:34:48 am
Exactly, Paul. When "Intuition" came out, I actually thought that it was clever, as she mocked those who sell out at a moments notice, but you're completely right: Now she has become what she previously made fun of. In addition to the Canon deal, her "Intuition" song is being used to sell women's razors (also called "Intuition"). She makes fun of those selling out, while she herself does the same thing.

Pot, meet kettle.

FROM: Paul
DATE: Tuesday December 2, 2003 -- 10:36:25 am
Dave: In addition to the Canon deal, her "Intuition" song is being used to sell women's razors (also called "Intuition").

Who will save your soul? Intuition razors!

FROM: Dave Walls [E-Mail]
DATE: Tuesday December 2, 2003 -- 11:41:49 am
Nice Paul!

I've got a good one for Canon...

"Are you tired of the Foolish Games your printer is playing?
Jewel says "Canon, you were meant for me!"

Copyright 2003, Chillow-me-out Productions.®

FROM: Matt
DATE: Tuesday December 2, 2003 -- 5:17:57 pm
I had hoped that her 15 minutes were up the first day I ever heard/saw her. I hate mainsteram celebs. She is lower than Nicole Kidman on the totem pole in my book, and that's low!!!

FROM: Ace High
DATE: Tuesday December 2, 2003 -- 5:36:54 pm
Everyone sells out. The only question is the price. I was about to buy one of her albums. Then I asked myself, "Would buying her album get me any closer to actually having sex with Jewel?". I did not buy the album.

FROM: Robert [E-Mail]
DATE: Tuesday December 2, 2003 -- 5:42:55 pm
The big question in the wake of this: Do her teeth look any better now?

FROM: jk
DATE: Tuesday December 2, 2003 -- 9:18:03 pm
I really hope she had her teeth fixed. There is no excuse not to do so.

FROM: Matt
DATE: Tuesday December 2, 2003 -- 10:15:45 pm
Remember when that bitch came out with the poetry book trying to look all deep? what a crock of shit that was.

FROM: Marcus Mackey
DATE: Friday December 12, 2003 -- 9:33:16 am
Jewel: Awesome voice, very pretty... some odd and very obscure lyrics at times, and... just another "artiste" caving to the RIAA. Sort of a get used to it deal... like Ace said above. If you didn't sell out coming down the pike, you're bound to do it over time. I mean... if a hardcore Metal band like Metallica with their raucous and vehement slams against "Mainstream" chooses to sell out and do it out of greed... what's to stop anyone else?!? It shouldn't come as a shocker to anyone really. It's merely a part of being in this industry. Many fans of Dave Matthews have even blasted him saying that he's lost the "soul" that made him great. I'm not a fan, but... I can definitely see a difference from the cracking and quite annoying whimsical nature of their earlier hits to the later darker, somber, and sort of "a drag" sound that plagues his later efforts.

Then again, I never would've anticipated Liz Phair going the same route too. Paul has aforementioned that deal in a previous Ping, and it was a sad, sad day. She's still an incredible artist, but the outside of the box mentality has been toned down, although she still has the propensity to swear. At least something's don't change. :-D

Just another element of note... is it just me, or is there getting to be more cursing in the Ping? I swear I've seen more of it used as of late than I can ever recall. Are you all F'ing trying to go hardcore on me or something you little sh*ts? ;-) All you d%mn XTreme Pingers bustin' it out and throwin' it down. Losin' the ol' skool flava G's... It's like Gangsta' Ping in the hizhouuuuuse or something.

RDiddy and Paul Dizzle-Nizzle... word up homeys?

DATE: Wednesday June 23, 2004 -- 7:36:57 pm
Remember when that bitch came out with the poetry book trying to look all deep? what a crock of shit that was.

Ummmm...right. Nice to meet such a respectful individual as you, Matt.

I just saw Jewel in concert two night ago. She played solo acoustic and still had all of her original charm. Perhaps her 15 minutes are up, but she still has something that true fans will appreciate.

FROM: Jewel\'s #1 Fan [E-Mail]
DATE: Saturday January 29, 2005 -- 1:40:12 am
Be sure to read The Australian Society For The Prevention Of Cruelty To Jewel at
for great parody info about Jewel! It's a kick dudes.

FROM: Bubba LeSource [E-Mail]
DATE: Monday December 5, 2005 -- 10:09:03 pm
Don't count out Jewel just yet. She's not the first pop musician to go through highs and lows in her career. Her next album is due out in spring 2006. Her fans are just as devoted as ever and find that her live concerts are as good as ever and are one of a kind intimate shows.

Check out news and share your thoughts about Jewel at The World Jewel Forum at or

FROM: Kiera [E-Mail]
DATE: Sunday April 23, 2006 -- 6:42:50 pm
Clearly the author of this topic was incorrect as Jewel is very much still around!

Even a new album on it's way in a week - Goodbye Alice in Wonderland which is truly excellent!

To prove just how much Jewel is up to these days, please checkout and you'll see for yourself

Thanks for your time

FROM: Curtel Knudge [E-Mail]
DATE: Thursday August 3, 2006 -- 6:28:09 am
I would like to wish you much luck. And a lot of money. Thank you.

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