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February 4th, 2005

An Open Letter to Everyone on the Internet

Dear everyone on the internet,

Hello! I’d like to first of all say thanks for being a part of today’s internet. Thanks to you the internet is your source for one-stop shopping, loads of porn, and mindless chatter about the cancellation of Enterprise. That’s appreciated.

Now I’d like to make one request of you, as a fellow person on the internet. Please, for the love of all that’s good, stop using Internet Explorer when you have a choice. Please? You see, I write code for browsers, and Internet Explorer just isn’t up to snuff. It was last updated in 1885 when a man by the name of Buford “Mad Dog” Gates wrote a web browser and then shot Doc Brown. He shot a man. Do you want to be associated with that?

Moreover, did you know that Internet Explorer lowers male sperm count and female fertility? It’s true! (I read about it on the internet.) Not only does it do that, but when you’re asleep at night Internet Explorer goes out on the internet and does exploring on its own. On its own! And no one knows what it finds… it keeps it a secret.

Internet Explorer is also horrible at making sushi. That’s a minimum requirement for browsers nowadays.

So, again, if you want to remain fertile, know what your browser is up to, and make great sushi fast… try another web browser. Thank you.

– Paul

Posted in Technology

FROM: Joseph
DATE: Friday February 4, 2005 -- 4:08:53 pm
This is an area I know nothing about, so it's an especially welcome Ping. I'm not computer savvy enough to run Linux, so I have no clout with tech nerds. I used to prefer Navigator, but the latest version seems to run really slowly on my computer--probably because sabotaging code of my MS OS. What other browers are out there?

FROM: Ryan [E-Mail]
DATE: Friday February 4, 2005 -- 4:44:21 pm to try firefox to try opera

FROM: Merle [E-Mail]
DATE: Saturday February 5, 2005 -- 2:42:44 pm
Hear, hear!

I'm glad Firefox is taking the US by storm. From what I understand, people are flocking to it in droves.

Personally, I switched to Opera quite a while ago -- mostly for the insanely useful keyboard shortcuts. Sure, a lot of sites have crummy IE-specific implementations. I just do not buy things from those people. ;-)

Besides, M$ has stated openly that they are not going to release new versions of IE, at least until Longhorn is out (2007+) -- and maybe not even then, since it will be fully assimilated into the OS. Not that DHTML needs any more innovations. If anything, it needs more browsers that enforce standards.

Sadly, what moved most people I know to convert to Firefox is "those darn popup windows". This surprises me every time people complain about them. I don't think I've seen an annoying popup ad window in years.

Oh, wait... that's because I use Opera. ;-)

FROM: Joseph
DATE: Saturday February 5, 2005 -- 2:48:13 pm
Paul and Ryan:

Thanks again for the info. I've got Firefox up and running right now. Since I still have, ack, ahem, dial-up, I'm not getting hyper speed. I like Firefox's much cleaner appearance over IE.

Is it faster? I don't know yet. Maybe.
Is there a good way to tell? A website that reads how fast your browser loads?

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