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February 23rd, 2005

Rapture Letters

Stealing a link from The Daily Show is kind of tacky, but this is one site that I just couldn’t let pass by: When you’re taken to Heaven, let this free, automated service tell all your sinning friends that you’re there!

People can believe in the Rapture and that the End of Times are near, that’s fine with me. People can even set up stupid web sites (because, you know, the web will continue to run perfectly when the Savior comes to take His believers to Heaven), and that’s still fine with me. But what really got me is how the site works.

The dude who runs the site—the same guy who was asked to tell what other biblical prophecies he says have come to pass and couldn’t come up with one—”checks in” with the site once a week. If he doesn’t check in on a given week, he’s been raptured and the flood of e-mails get sent.

So, there’s this guy and he’s so sure he’s going to Heaven. And he’s sure enough that the rapture will come in his lifetime that he’s willing to say that if he dies it won’t be by a car accident or natural causes, but because Jesus has come to bring him to Heaven as his sinning friends and family burn in the fires of torment.

Sure thing. Gotcha.

Posted in Just Plain Odd

FROM: Chris [E-Mail]
DATE: Wednesday February 23, 2005 -- 9:43:16 am
Letters from Satan would be more fun.

Dear Jim,

Sorry about your wife and that car accident. If it makes it any better for you, she was on her way to the Red Roof Inn. She's been screwing around on you for years. Now she'll be paying the price for all eternity.

Yours In Pain,

FROM: Monica
DATE: Wednesday February 23, 2005 -- 12:57:29 pm
don't forget!

they include instructions for what to do if you're not raptured, as well as a cookbook.

FROM: Ryan [E-Mail]
DATE: Wednesday February 23, 2005 -- 2:27:04 pm
Good find, Monica!

FROM: Joseph
DATE: Wednesday February 23, 2005 -- 4:18:55 pm
My rapture emails would all read about the same:

Dear So and So non believer friend,

I am gone, so you can forget about the money I owe you. By the way, the disappearance of myself and millions of others has been prophecized, so don't say you haven't been warned. Oh, and to my hiers, you won't receive anything for another few years until you have me declared legally dead--seven years in most states. Just arriving to court to say that I've been raptured won't cut it.

In case you've received this letter by mistake (my disappearance may be due to the fact that I just happened to disappear to Mexico the day everyone else vanished), I'm still long gone, so forget about that $10 I owe you.


FROM: Robert [E-Mail]
DATE: Thursday May 5, 2005 -- 3:45:40 am
You can check out my web-page it has many possible fulfillment of prophecies.”“

FROM: Amanda Wilcox
DATE: Friday June 3, 2005 -- 7:27:32 am
Found a site that seems a little more professional and serious than the one mentionned above:

FROM: Katie
DATE: Friday September 16, 2005 -- 5:55:37 pm
I'm a Christian who believes in the Rapture. I bet all you guys will be on your knees minutes after it happens - you'll know exactly what happened.

FROM: Krista
DATE: Wednesday January 25, 2006 -- 3:24:49 am
Amen, Katie! Though I bet it's going to be a big cover up. I mean, most people have heard of the rapture, so if all of a suddon millions of people dissapear, it's a little obvious, right? I'm sure it'll be explained away. Hopefully some people come to there senses and realise what happened.

FROM: Karen
DATE: Sunday March 26, 2006 -- 8:44:26 pm
Hey, our Lord Jesus wants to rapture each one of us.
We just have to believe in Him and receive Him.
It'll happen sooner than we all think.

DATE: Sunday March 26, 2006 -- 8:49:52 pm
Check out

Chris January 29, 2007, 5:11 pm

This is a better site

the rest are just too silly to comment on

What is this then?

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