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January 27th, 2001

Mean Nicknames

As a kid, I didn’t have many nicknames, which is probably fortunate. About the only one I can remember is “Big Mac,” and then later, “Laze.” However, I do remember two kids on my school bus that had pretty mean and unfortunate nicknames. One they called “Snotman” because he always had mucus visible somewhere on his face. Another they called “Diaperman” (oddly, they lived very close to each other) who always smelled like baby powder. I guess kids really can be cruel.

Do you have any memories of particularly evil nicknames attached to kids you knew? Or maybe to you, yourself? -ram

Posted in Everyday Life

FROM: Maria
DATE: Saturday January 27, 2001 -- 2:40:12AM
Preschool: Maria Diarrhea--only because it rhymes, not because I had it!

FROM: Paul
DATE: Saturday January 27, 2001 -- 10:20:37AM
Maria, that's way too much information.

DATE: Saturday January 27, 2001 -- 12:55:37PM
Once kids learned what my last name meant (either by happening upon it in the dictionary or through the magic of vocabulary tests), I'd constantly have kids coming up to me, asking me if I knew that craven meant coward.

And, of course, there's all SORTS of things you can do with Rob.


FROM: Robert
DATE: Saturday January 27, 2001 -- 3:29:36PM
I remember calling this one kid up the street "It" because we thought he was not worth being male or female. It was cruel, but he deserved it. Besides, I was on the receiving end of this kind of treatment more often than I dished it out.

FROM: Tony
DATE: Saturday January 27, 2001 -- 11:03:00PM
I was called Toby in 4th grade....but Im not sure how it was mean.

FROM: Robert
DATE: Sunday January 28, 2001 -- 1:03:24AM
If you ever get tired of being Laze, we could call you Ryan "Mongo" MacMichael. You'd need a Haliburton, though.

FROM: Ryan
DATE: Sunday January 28, 2001 -- 1:20:19AM
Mongo... I was so happy when I heard that a wrestler had my last name! Too bad he was so lame...

FROM: Robert
DATE: Sunday January 28, 2001 -- 9:37:30AM
"Lame" is too kind a word for Mongo. He stole his name from a character in Blazing Saddles.

FROM: Paul
DATE: Sunday January 28, 2001 -- 10:52:14AM
A wrestler? Excuse me, Mongo was a Chicago Bear long before he became a wrestler. Ahem.

FROM: Robert
DATE: Sunday January 28, 2001 -- 12:53:19PM
But he did not carry a Haliburton as a Bear, and that makes all the difference.

FROM: Ryan
DATE: Sunday January 28, 2001 -- 1:42:41PM
Yes, Paul, but we all know that wrestling is more important than football.


FROM: robert
DATE: Sunday May 27, 2001 -- 5:24:34PM
robert to me and my friends means "poodle" bceause my friend robert had a huge afro and actually looks like the dog "poodle"

FROM: Chiara
DATE: Sunday May 27, 2001 -- 5:29:52PM
hi my name is chiara and my friends call me Kia. THey also call me ki.
and one of my friends line about my name is "did i loose my keys to my kia"?
it goes something like that.

FROM: Megan
DATE: Wednesday December 25, 2002 -- 5:46:34 pm
I was always called Cheesy or Cheeseball or something to make my day miserable, because my last name is Marchese so kids thought it looked like Marcheesey.

FROM: Turd Fergeson
DATE: Monday May 19, 2003 -- 3:52:11 pm
You think you had it bad. I was called Turd Fergeson!

FROM: Rick L
DATE: Monday May 19, 2003 -- 5:37:16 pm
I was called "Darkman" for a number of years. It's cuz I used it as a pen name when I went through a phase and wrote some very dark twisted poetry that circulated around the school. FYI- it was before that crappy movie with Liam Neeson.


FROM: kimon
DATE: Monday June 2, 2003 -- 3:11:03 pm
i was called DIABLO, cause when i wrestled, i was a dark and evil character....

i was also called hibiscus, cause ppl thought i smoked it.i didn't deny

FROM: Emily
DATE: Sunday August 15, 2004 -- 5:10:43 pm
Max the Maxi Pad.

FROM: Joseph
DATE: Monday August 16, 2004 -- 12:41:42 pm
There's a "Spaz" in every gradeschool classroom across America. This is the kid who is short-tempered and yells and screams to get kids to stop bothering him. Ironically, it's the cry for help that keeps kids coming back. Eventually, merely saying spaz is enough to get this kid to blow his top. I was not the spaz of my class.

There was a kid in my class who had very unkempt hair. It was black and curly and long. Everyone called him "Fro." He hated it. He also happened to be our Spaz. Usually taunts directed at him would alternate between "Fro" and "Spaz" until he blew up. Once he blew up, he'd get sent to the principal's office where he'd get spanked. I thought it was terrible then and now. But, things being the way they are, and the fickly nature of kids' subjects of abuse, I was glad it was not me--I had my own problems.

These days, he would have just brought a gun in and shot us all.

I was overweight around middle school age. This one kid, who had a thing against fat people, used to call me "Hubba-Blubba" after the chewing gum Hubba Bubba. He changed another chubby kid's name to "Lachunky," which sort of sounded like the chubby kid's real last name. The kid with the thing against fat people's nickname was "Dorito-Man" because he always had Doritos in his lunch. Ultimate revenge: I trimmed down by high school and I saw him one time during that time (he went to a different high school) and he was friggin' fat. I got to call him Hubba Blubba to see how he liked it; he didn't so much. By then, he had also begun to go down the path of dope smokin' loser. Later, after I graduated from college, I went to a cheapo breakfast cafe with my parents (my dad will do anything for a plate of $1.99 eggs with bacon) and Dorito-Man was the short-order cook. I felt vindicated at the ultimate station this bully achieved in life. I heard later he got some fat girl pregnant. Maybe he was afraid of fat people because becoming fat was his biggest fear. Maybe he knew he was destined for porkiness.
There was another kid, whose last name was Bates--of course, his nickname was Master; another kid, whose last name was Wheeler was called "Feeler" because he seemed effeminate. The last nickmame worth mentioning belonged to the smelly girl in class. For whatever reason, someone hatched "Stink O' the Sea" for her.

FROM: Kate
DATE: Monday August 16, 2004 -- 5:17:05 pm
I had a friend that called me "Small Fry" for a time... but that suddenly stopped when I started calling her "Whopper." Hmm.

The only kid I knew that had a mean nickname was Bio Billy... but he actually turned out to be bisexual, so maybe it wasn't too trumatizing.

FROM: Tracie Martin
DATE: Wednesday October 6, 2004 -- 9:16:19 pm
I was called Beast and Cousin It

FROM: Joseph
DATE: Thursday October 7, 2004 -- 9:20:23 am

What is a Haliburton, besides being a county somewhere or a huge government sucking corporation? I found no definition of haliburton at either or

Am I missing something here?

DATE: Thursday October 7, 2004 -- 12:29:04 pm
I was "Zeb" for a long, long time (short for ye ole last name). Not bad, kinda like it actually.

I moved mid-high school, and met two kids in my business class who never got past their kindergarten nicknames of "Tater" and "Pickle".

The really funny thing was that Tater and Pickle were best of friends. My theory was because the bonds of their odd nicknames.

FROM: MeganMae
DATE: Wednesday February 9, 2005 -- 10:59:52 pm
THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING I HAVE EVER READ!! Oh my God, you people must be retarded....

FROM: Ryan [E-Mail]
DATE: Wednesday February 9, 2005 -- 11:05:06 pm
MeganMae is a BegginGay!

(Trying to stay on topic...)

FROM: baby101gurl88
DATE: Monday March 21, 2005 -- 5:35:21 pm
im STILL called shorty & babygurl dont feel bad if yall have SOME sort of nicknames

FROM: heather
DATE: Tuesday March 22, 2005 -- 9:47:49 am
Growing up my sister and I had perms. We didn't look funny with them or anything, but we did get some "mean" nicknames. The Souix Indian kids we went to school with in ND called us "Popcorn Heads" (they were just jeaolous that we had the blond hair) then in 4th grade, the kids in VA called us "Twisted Sister"

FROM: Joseph
DATE: Tuesday March 22, 2005 -- 10:24:10 am
MeganMae eat my shorts.

FROM: Joseph
DATE: Tuesday March 22, 2005 -- 10:28:34 am
MeganMae Smellunderwear!

MeganMae Dookie!

(Also trying to stay on topic.)

Of course, now we'd just call MeganMae "dookie" for short. I hereby Christen MeganMea as "dookie" from now on, in honor of this Ping.

FROM: hannah litvin [E-Mail]
DATE: Tuesday May 3, 2005 -- 1:09:24 pm
i knew a really fat smelly girl named libbi and people called her "the view obstructor"... one of my friends is general washington, becuase he looks exactly like george washington from the neck up!

FROM: Shortie
DATE: Tuesday July 26, 2005 -- 9:11:01 am

FROM: dere
DATE: Tuesday July 26, 2005 -- 4:27:02 pm
My nickname has been PHIMOS for a really long time. I christened myself as PHIMOS so i like it, mainly cuz no1 knos wat it means. So i'll tell every1 now. It is ancient Greek for "foreskin". Anyone that finds that offensive, i say to to u, lick my PHIMOS.

FROM: Carolyn
DATE: Thursday August 4, 2005 -- 2:13:27 am
Thanks for the subject. I'm writing a book and needed some ideas for nicknames. Great ones! Some of mine growing up where LightBulb, Skinny Bones and Dude (from my dad...he wanted a boy. :)

FROM: dere is gay
DATE: Thursday August 25, 2005 -- 1:07:18 pm
phimos is possibly the gayest nickname i've ever heard that someone "christened" upon themselfs. what kind of sick fetish do you have "Dere" (Derek) to nickname yourself "foreskin"? If it's because you're not circumsized it's more understandable, but i mean come on, do you think you're cool because you're quote unquote nickname is ancient greek? plus, you can't just make up a nickname for yourself, that's not a nickname, some has to do it for you. So since you obviously want a nickname so bad i'll give you one: "Fuckface". That seems to suit your personality a little better...

FROM: candice
DATE: Wednesday October 19, 2005 -- 11:23:57 am
I was called cannabis which is another name for pot. that was when i was in elementary school.

FROM: None
DATE: Thursday October 20, 2005 -- 4:55:43 pm
My nickname was phimos too. don't dare admit it now though....

And I'm a girl!

FROM: mel
DATE: Friday January 27, 2006 -- 1:24:53 pm
"do you think you're cool because you're quote unquote nickname is ancient greek"

Besides the obvious misuse of the word "you're", how can you not love someone who actually types out the words "quote unquote"?

FROM: rangin
DATE: Sunday May 21, 2006 -- 9:34:54 am
Better check ur Greek dictionary Dere. I thought Phimos means "muzzle" as in "dog"

DATE: Monday May 29, 2006 -- 4:03:32 am
im laughing LOL umm yeah im writin a story too and i needed to find a mean nickname for this guy (whos gonna turn out like the devil cos i want him to have 6 letter name 6 letter middle name then 6 letter last name. then at the end ... u know he cxna admit to that. anyways i found these entries v v funny lol.. i especially liked this from kate : "I had a friend that called me "Small Fry" for a time... but that suddenly stopped when I started calling her "Whopper." Hmm. " LOL anyway i gtg dinner (and i havent even STARTED my homework novel LOL)

FROM: peepee potty deedee dotty
DATE: Wednesday June 14, 2006 -- 8:27:31 am

FROM: Brittany
DATE: Wednesday June 14, 2006 -- 11:46:49 am
people used to call wet pet because get me wet ;)

Steph September 27, 2006, 12:28 am

Ok last year this guy named cody called me busted face cuz i got stitches in my chin but it really doesn’t bother me anymore but i call him barbie cuz he’s fake he wears makeup and straten his hair

molly May 14, 2007, 4:31 am

one day i told my friend i felt like a new nickname and he decided 2 call me frosty cause i was “white like the snowman” also frosty the snow woman. so eventually i called him cousin it. he doesnt look like cousin it @ all, but @ least i has some amo

Jim July 7, 2007, 4:25 am

I never caught it til’ way later, but they called this kid “Bucket”
Because he was poor like Charlie Bucket from Willy Wonka

Shawn July 8, 2007, 5:26 am

I remember we called this dude in high school Reece. Cause of his receding hairline.

melina February 17, 2008, 7:55 am

im FATT nd im FLUFFY nd i need a nickname a FATT, FLUFFY, CUTE, AWSOME, nickname!!!!!!

LIa April 6, 2008, 11:46 pm

HI I wance was names LIA PEEA

rachel May 18, 2008, 11:41 pm

when i was in elemtentary school this guy tommy called me smokey the bear because i smelled like smoke. but he was the only one who called me that.

Phil Hall June 25, 2008, 2:38 pm

People called me Phildo Balls. Or Hillybilly Hallballs/Hallhopper.

lizzy May 29, 2009, 11:40 am

i dunno why but i got the nick name “china blue” i dont know why or how and its been stuck with me forever

Catherine June 15, 2009, 10:59 pm

Butt McGee.
enough said.

ak July 9, 2009, 5:29 am

ha whaen i was little i was the last one off the bus so i always fell asleep and thisone older girl nicknamed me “Dead lady” because it looked like i was dead when i slept…

Anonymous April 8, 2010, 11:05 pm

a girl from my old middle school who’s real name was Amara was once being offered a piece of bubble gum after health class when we were learning about the different kinds of drugs. “Amara, wanna piece of gum?” just happened to sound like “A marijuana piece of gum.” so of course she adopted the new nickname- a-marijuana. it is true that in fact kids will take every opportunity they can to make themselves feel better.

There was one kid who seemed to be a little feminine so kids called him ‘Gary minus the “r”‘. You can go ahead and figure that out… it was a bit mean but people would just call him Gary. He never found out but he actually turned out to be gay.

Rory December 10, 2011, 1:04 am

I was referred to as the leprechaun of my class because of my Irish accent. It was a little funny at first… But then it got mean. People would shove me and make jokes…

If I didn’t have my friend Mark, I probably would’ve become very bitter.

Like in field hockey, a girl knocked me over with a blow from her stick and started laughing as I bled. I don’t get how they thought it was funny. Or how the gym teacher didn’t notice…

I guess what I’m trying to say is… Nicknames can really suck…

Brook May 1, 2012, 9:12 pm

I’m being called bibitchual , mainly because I’m Bisexual and all the preps and jocks hate me so they decided I was a bi*** and my sexuality had something to do with that fact

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