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March 7th, 2001

Hong Kong Hilarity

Hong Kong Hilarity

Something better than All Your Base Are Belong to Us and Engrish combined, courtesy of a $1.50 bargain bin book I bought titled Sex and Zen & A Bullet in the Head: Hong Kong subtitles by translators that were probably paid minimum wage…

“You circumcised me because of my cold. Now my appendix because of my headache?”
Doctor Vampire

“Don’t you feel the stink smell?”
Operation Pink Squad 2

“No ripping off? How about jerking.”
Queen of Temple Street

“You cheat ghosts to eat tofu?”
The Ultimate Vampire

“How can you use my intestines as a gift?”
The Beheaded 1000

“A red moon? Why don’t you say blue buttocks?”
The Holy Virgin Versus the Evil Dead

“You’re a bad guy, where’s your library card?”
Enforcing the Law

“Game of chess? What kind? Strip breast game.”
The Informer

“Give me your urine … urine cures inner injury.
Do you want more?
No. Yours is not so good.”
The Untold Story

“I’m 80% recovered.
I’m 80% haunted.
Crazy talk. You’re both 80% dead!”
Mr. Vampire

“Check if there’s a hole in my underpant?
No! I saw a vomiting crab.”
Full Contact

“I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.”
Holy Weapon

“I have been scared shitless too much lately.”
Final Victory

“That may disarray my intestines.”
Eastern Corridors

“Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.”
Pedicab Driver

“Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?”
Armour of God

“I’m firing. Don’t move.”
Blood Ritual

“The wolves will burst your tits this time!”
Naked Killer

“To keep looking at the signal baboons make my eyes tired.”
Angel Enforcers

“I’ll give birth to a stuff for you in 10 months, OK?”
Perfect Couples

“You always use violence. I should’ve ordered glutinous rice chicken.”
Pedicab Driver

“I’m not Jesus Christ, I’m Bunny.”
Double Trouble

“Poodle Head attacked us.”
Doctor Vampire

“I’m not… I’m!”
My Neighbours are Phantoms

“The fart of God.
What does it mean?
With a remarkable sound.”
The Informer

“What is a soul?
It’s just a toilet paper.”
To Hell With the Devil

“You bastard, try this melon.”

“Well! Masturbate in hell!”
Full Contact

“Take my advice, or I’ll spank you without pants!”
The Seventh Curse

“Noodles? Forget it! Try my fist!”
Final Victory

“I’ve checked, you are suffered from ‘Big Penis.'”
Ghostly Vixen

“Don’t shout. Balls are not broken yet.
Yeah? My iron balls are like marshmellows now!”
Devil Cat

“Some old rules, no eyes, no groin.”
Bloody Mary Killer

My favorite, though, wasn’t listed. I forget which specific kung-fu movie it was from:

“I’ll teach him a lesson! That’ll teach him!”


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