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July 23rd, 2005

Just Call Me Mary Kate

You all knew I was Maury and the creator of a world-famous diet plan, but did you know I’m also both of the Olsen twins? Here’s an e-mail I received this morning:

Dear the Olsen Twin you’ll are hot and i was wordering if i can go out on a date with one of you or maybe both of you’ll. Then ashley you have a beauty smile and you’re smart and you look beauty. Also mary kate you have beauty eyes and hair your dress looks good and both ashley and mary kate body is hot maybe if i get to see you one day we which is me and my brother and you’ll can go to the movie and out to eat. then we are located in Round Rock, Texas, D****, Drive ### and then if you get this please send me your number and i will give you my house and cell number and my name is M** R**** and i’m 15 about to be 16 Novemeber 8 and a 10 grade also i have a brother and he’s 13 about to be 14 August 16 and a freshman and i know Ashley and Mary Kate are 18 and passed high school probably in college now or didn’t go just partying and looking for a job to work at and send this letter where ever the olsen twin are living and make sure they get my letter from M** R****

Posted in Just Plain Odd

FROM: Paul
DATE: Saturday July 23, 2005 -- 8:08:49 am
Dear the Olsen Twin

That alone was worth the price of admission.

FROM: jk
DATE: Saturday July 23, 2005 -- 10:45:23 am
What are they teaching kids in terms of standard written English?

My childhood friend Michele (NOT TANNER) lived in a state which I will not name and had to homeschool her kids because some of the teachers spoke just like M*** R****.

So can you hook me up with John Stamos?

FROM: Merle [E-Mail]
DATE: Sunday July 24, 2005 -- 2:38:04 pm
jk: This is actually fairly good writing in comparison to many emails I see. IM-based stream-of-babble things like this are the norm, alas. At least M*** R**** managed to use capital letters.

Teaching kids? Standard English? They have to cater to the lowest common denominator. "No child left behind", they cry, so everyone is left behind.

I wish Ryan had posted their name and address, though. It is always a good thing to openly publicize lameness, and to give them full credit for it.

FROM: Joseph
DATE: Monday July 25, 2005 -- 9:04:40 am
It just gets worse every day.

FROM: Joseph
DATE: Monday July 25, 2005 -- 9:07:20 am
This country has to generate individuals who'll be willing to work those low paid service industry jobs somehow.

FROM: Greg
DATE: Monday July 25, 2005 -- 10:35:29 am
It's like the kid had Alpha Bits for breakfast and sneezed on his computer screen.

FROM: The Pitman Panther
DATE: Tuesday July 26, 2005 -- 5:23:25 am
LoL, the irony of it all is that my mom is moving their in August. I linked her, and I'm sure she'll get a good laugh out of it.

I love stupid kids. Hell I love stupid people in general. Still can't be as bad as Pitman though.

FROM: Ryan [E-Mail]
DATE: Tuesday July 26, 2005 -- 9:17:02 am
Clearly you're representative of the stupidity since you didn't even post int he proper Ping.

FROM: rashmi
DATE: Wednesday August 31, 2005 -- 12:46:52 pm
well what can i say u olsen twins totally rock u r so beautiful and talented i vesenn almost all ur movies and i read all ur books sweet sixteen is really cool i really liked the movie new york minute it was gr8! well all i wanna say is that u r the best and keep the gud work .and i hope u read this! ur no1 fan.

FROM: Ryan [E-Mail]
DATE: Wednesday August 31, 2005 -- 1:53:59 pm
Oh God. Here we go.

What is this then?

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