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October 16th, 2000

Headlines from a Parallel Universe

America Online Files for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy; Internet2 Users Rejoice

Rock Band Metallica Releases All Albums to Public Domain

Current U.S. President Doing Splendid Job

Peace in Middle East Continues for 100th Year

Microsoft Announces Encouraging Open-Source Initiative

Hate Crimes No Longer Existent

"Daylight Savings Time" Fad Comes to an End

Automobile Industry Announces 300HP Electric Car

Ozone Layer Doubles in Strength

Elvis Celebrates Latest Birthday with Live Webcast

Chicago Cubs Win World Series for Tenth Straight Year -pm

Posted in Miscellaneous

FROM: Robert
DATE: Monday October 16, 2000 -- 10:10:54AM
Cubs win! Cubs win! Holy cow, the Cubs win!

I could never understand why they named the team after a baby animal.



FROM: Tony
DATE: Monday October 16, 2000 -- 12:29:15AM
Another Headline:

Elderly rate in Florida going down! Old people are digging Alaska to retire.



FROM: Terry Murphy
DATE: Monday October 16, 2000 -- 3:36:32PM
Microsoft Announces Encouraging Open-Source Initiative

...NYSE decides to jump on the bandwagon and converts their systems to Linux. An undetected kernel bug causes hours of downtime on the first day, halting trading completely. The DJIA drops to 300, and millions of panicked investors worldwide are seen jumping out of windows. Linus Torvalds was not available for comment.

"Daylight Savings Time" Fad Comes to an End

... And farmers, with their one less hour of sunlight, are forced to cut production by 10%, driving food prices up twenty-fold. The US immediately halts all foreign aid food shipments, and millions die in grocery store brawls fighting over stalks of corn. Meanwhile, famine hits the midwest due to extreme food shortages, and millions more starve to death.

Rock Band Metallica Releases All Albums to Public Domain

...Millions of teenagers worldwide rejoice that music is now free, but lament the fact that nothing new has been recorded in the last ten years. Meanwhile, Pierre Boulez is evicted from his apartment and dies of starvation since he can no longer sell records.







FROM: Ryan
DATE: Monday October 16, 2000 -- 4:36:10PM
Terry Murphy Posts 'I Agree' to Slashdot.org forum... World goes up in flames

:)



FROM: Tony
DATE: Monday October 16, 2000 -- 6:48:20PM
Independent party candidate wins election by a 99% landslide! Voters come to there senses!



FROM: Ryan
DATE: Monday October 16, 2000 -- 7:05:44PM
Good one, Tony! :)



FROM: Terry Murphy
DATE: Monday October 16, 2000 -- 10:10:49PM
Ryan -- it is hard to agree with any Slashdot article since half of the articles are rooting for the downfall of the company I work for, and the other half are praying that the entertainers and companies who make the content that I love should not be paid.



FROM: Ryan
DATE: Monday October 16, 2000 -- 11:38:22PM
Terry -- Hope you didn't take my comment too seriously... I'm just being a smart ass, as usual. :)



FROM: Paul
DATE: Tuesday October 17, 2000 -- 7:25:51AM
Ryan and Paul Cease Posting Sarcastic Comments

Man, if that's not a sign of the apocalypse....



FROM: Tony
DATE: Wednesday October 18, 2000 -- 12:46:16AM
Eminem spearheads world peace! Speaks out about tolerance!



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