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December 25th, 2002

So tell me…

… how does Santa Claus get down the chimney? As Oscar the Grouch says, “That’s like trying to fit a basketball into a ginger ale bottle.” I admit, it’s one of the few mysteries of life that I haven’t yet figured out. Any help is appreciated.

Posted in Everyday Life

FROM: Ryan
DATE: Wednesday December 25, 2002 -- 2:29:44 pm
My four-year-old niece informed me that "first, he pushes the bags of toys down, and then he squeezes in the chimney and drops the toys off and leaves!" That easy, folks.



FROM: Chris [E-Mail]
DATE: Wednesday December 25, 2002 -- 3:03:00 pm
If you would just pay attention to ODonnellWeb you would know these things.
http://www.kuro5hin.org/displaystory/2002/12/19/101223/52

It involves wormholes and the kintetic energy from the Christmas tree.

Geesh, don't you people know anything? ;)

Merry Christmas



FROM: Greg
DATE: Thursday December 26, 2002 -- 10:52:54 am
My question is how does Santa enter a house that does not have a fireplace. He must come in through my furnace.



FROM: Greg C
DATE: Thursday December 26, 2002 -- 1:09:34 pm
Two words: Magic Dust. It makes him small so he can get into pretty-much any crevace in a house. It looks to me like someone hasn't watched enough Christmas cartoons.

Greg



FROM: Marcus Mackey
DATE: Friday December 27, 2002 -- 4:59:54 am
Ummm, well I didn't want to let the secret out but I guess it's time you should all be old enough to handle it....



Santa really works for the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms (ATF) in his spare time (special unit in a distant area, and you wonder why he chose the North Pole for his locale?)... he has access to all sorts of nifty but "questionable" high-tech test components (eat your heart out James Bond) that could be considered to violate our inalienable rights in the areas of home surveillance (check for naughty or nice kids), home breech/entry (mum on this one), and that's before we even discuss propulsion systems for the sleigh (Rudolph and the gang are a coverup; technology involved was originally tested at Area 51 in the 1960's). I can't disclose the exacting technologies involved due to a non-disclosure agreement I signed with the "Jolly old elf" (or JOE as his compatriarch's at the bureau call him), but rest assured... the technologies involved boggle the mind.

And mind you... I guess I'm getting my April Fool's in a bit early. ;) :D

- MM



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