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October 26th, 2005

Scary Chocolate Milk and Synergy

This Ping is another in a long line of two-fers.

A couple of weeks ago I was at the grocery store when I spotted something strange in the dairy case. Were my eyes playing tricks on me, or did I really see 3 Musketeers Brand Chocolate Milk? It was real, all right. Milky Way was there too – candy bar chocolate milk. Gah.

If that wasn’t scary enough, though, the website for the company behind it reads like an Onion parody of a marketing-heavy website. For instance, here is a snippet about where Bravo Brands is going.

Future opportunities are leading Bravo! into additional market segments with innovative branded products. The Bravo! success story is built upon a shared creative vision to focus fiercely on delivering highly competitive products to markets that deliver retail excitement, inspire brand loyalty and deliver an enviable return on shareholder investment.

This is a website for people like you and me, by the way. There’s lots more goodness there, including this awesome wallpaper. (1997 wants its computer graphics back.) The only things I will give Bravo are that they don’t use the word “extreme” anywhere, and they spell their product (“Slammers”) without a “Z” at the end.

Posted in Consumer Commentary

FROM: Ryan [E-Mail]
DATE: Wednesday October 26, 2005 -- 7:49:36 am
Milk with an attitude! (Also from their site.) It's the milk that says, "Oh no you didn't!"

FROM: Sammy Reed
DATE: Wednesday October 26, 2005 -- 11:05:21 am
Just what we need - a "multi-billion dollar 'better-for-you' drink business".

FROM: Joseph
DATE: Wednesday October 26, 2005 -- 12:05:05 pm
Milk that really says "Oh no you didn't" is served only by women and not from a bottle.

FROM: Greg C
DATE: Wednesday October 26, 2005 -- 6:46:34 pm
You must not have a kid. My son LOVES Slammers, when we buy drinks for him on the go, he always wants those. It's not all chocolate milk, they have fruit juice flavors as well.

But keep in mind, he's 3, and doesn't care what it tastes like so long as Spider-Man is on it.


FROM: Biancha Beuchamp
DATE: Sunday November 6, 2005 -- 11:37:37 pm
I can only drink milk if it is flavored. That's the plus. Ovaltine is a gateway drug. I was once in a country where marijuana was legal and had Ovaltine with marijuana. Harry the Hipster did a song back in '44 with the line, " Who put the benzidrine in Mrs. Murphy's Ovaltine?" Tang is also good for making powerful drug cocktails.

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