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August 31st, 2000

Runnin’ from 5-0

I got a letter today from the Town of Ashland (VA) Police Department. Ashland is a town south of Richmond and several hours from where I live. The letter reads as follows:

Dear Sir or Madam: On 8/18/00 a report was filed with this agency concerning the failure to render payment for fuel acquired at Fas Mart 523 S Washington Way Ashland VA 23005. The report list [sic] your license plate: xxx-xxxx as the vehicle involved. Please contact the officer below immediately to clear up this matter.

Interesting fact: Though the license plate number matches mine, on 8/18/00 I was nowhere near Ashland, VA.

I called today to straighten it out, but the officer I have to talk to is out until Friday. Should be interesting to see how this plays out. -ram

Posted in Everyday Life

DATE: Thursday August 31, 2000 -- 7:38:55AM
I knew they'd get you eventually. It's only a matter of time now...

FROM: Paul
DATE: Thursday August 31, 2000 -- 7:42:57AM
That's what you get for using the Priceline Card, Ryan. ;)

FROM: Robert
DATE: Thursday August 31, 2000 -- 1:07:06PM
I always thought of you more a shoplifter.

FROM: Matt
DATE: Thursday August 31, 2000 -- 4:10:38PM
It was probably Maryland plates.

FROM: Ryan
DATE: Thursday August 31, 2000 -- 8:12:08PM
Thanks for the support, guys. ;)

FROM: Robert
DATE: Thursday August 31, 2000 -- 11:50:21PM
I hear that in Ashland, they take their gas dispensing seriously. Expect static, my friend, whether you be innocent or guilty of not being innocent.

FROM: Ryan
DATE: Friday September 1, 2000 -- 12:42:27AM
I guess in Ashland, there's not much to worry about other than gas theft. ;)

I'll be talking to Officer Friendly (though I probably shouldn't refer to him that way when I call him) tomorrow. Cross your fingers!

FROM: Tony
DATE: Friday September 1, 2000 -- 5:41:57AM
Another insprational prayer:

DATE: Friday September 1, 2000 -- 7:14:55AM
Maybe this was actually Officer Pal Friendy and this is his revenge for what you did to him all those years ago.

Or maybe this is some kind of great big scam being run by the whole town. Everyone works together to get some extra money so they can work towards building that new high school or town hall. Yeah...

FROM: Paul
DATE: Friday September 1, 2000 -- 7:28:48AM
That sounds like something my town of Berwyn would do.

FROM: Ryan
DATE: Sunday September 3, 2000 -- 12:45:11AM
Update: According to the officer, they reported not only my license plate, but also my car make, model, and color. Astounding. I thought that perhaps that might have been the day my car was in the shop, but it wasn't, plus I double checked my gas records (which I keep very strict track off) and everything checked out. On top of that, the gas drive off was at noon on a Friday when I was at work. So, it looks like I'll just have to fax him proof I was working and not stealing gas in Ashland, VA.

The only thing I can think is that perhaps they got one digit wrong on my license plate -- I've seen a number of other Kias on the road up here in Northern VA that have a similar license plate number and are from the same dealership I bought my car. I passed that along to the officer who said he was going to review the videotape again.

This is getting interesting. :)

FROM: Matt
DATE: Sunday September 3, 2000 -- 1:11:08AM
Woah Ryan this is getting complex. At least you are well educated so you consider all the possibilities ahead of time.

FROM: pistol jack
DATE: Sunday September 3, 2000 -- 11:54:57AM
Fuckin Pigs, man! Just kick them in the balls and tell them to clean up and go home. works every time. Ha Ha!

FROM: Robert
DATE: Sunday September 3, 2000 -- 4:58:17PM
Someone is out to get you, Ryan, and they live in Ashland!

FROM: Matt
DATE: Sunday September 3, 2000 -- 5:32:36PM
Maybe its...! In the words of Mark Rodeffer "that fascist bitch"

FROM: Pal Friendie
DATE: Monday September 4, 2000 -- 9:56:00AM
See, what happens when you double cross me!!! heheheheheheheheheheheheheheh!!!

FROM: Ryan
DATE: Monday September 11, 2000 -- 10:30:18PM
Update: I had my work confirm that I was at work during the time in question... and apparently, today the officer called to confirm it. They're still "waiting on pictures" (from the video surveillance, I assume).

FROM: Sheriff Buford T. Justice
DATE: Tuesday September 12, 2000 -- 3:10:47PM
Do you have a early-80s black Trans Am?

Were you, by chance, transporting beer, an elephant, or lobster while you neglected to pay for gas?

I reported you to my brother Gaylord. He's the sheriff there in Ashland. We're going to get you yet, Bandit.

FROM: Ryan
DATE: Wednesday September 13, 2000 -- 11:48:26AM
I was actually transporting a drunk elephant carrying a lobster.

I tell you, with Buford, Gaylord, and Officer Pal Friendie after me, I have no chance. I might as well turn myself in.


FROM: Dave Hauss
DATE: Tuesday October 3, 2000 -- 10:01:39AM
So what happened? or did they impound your car???

FROM: Ryan
DATE: Tuesday October 3, 2000 -- 10:19:02AM
Well, nothing. :) I never heard back from the officer after he called my work to verify I was there. I may follow-up with him just to see what happened...

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