The Daily Ping

The 5,000th Ping will be published on September 14, 2013.

January 12th, 2000

Mergers are the way of the 00s.

With the AOL Time Warner merger on the horizon (so long as the government approves of it,) what else can we look forward to?

Kraft Foods and General Mills will get together and create Macaroni and Cheese-ios, a wonderful breakfast cereal that takes under 30 seconds to cook.

Ford and Nike will merge to create cars and shoes even uglier than the ones they make now.

Gap and Abercrombie and Fitch combined will be known as Abergapfitchcrombie, and will sell nothing but plain white t-shirts imprinted with logos that cost $50. Kids will love them.

Microsoft and Apple will get together… oh, wait, no they won’t.

Apple and 3Com will get together (yes, they will) to create a watch-sized PDA available in orange, blue, red, and green: the iHaveawatchthathasabuiltinpdawhataboutyou.

Nestle and Schwinn will come up with a chocolate bicycle.

McDonald’s will snap up TriCon Restaurants, owners of Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, and KFC. They’ll further diminish the quality of food at said stores and spread the golden arches even further across the countryside.

Snapple will buy Coca-Cola in order to rid the world of its brown sugar water and spread the word of Snapple Elements!

The holidays Labor Day and Memorial Day will merge considering very few people can tell them apart, anyway.

AOL Time Warner will buy up Sony, Viacom, Microsoft, Disney, News Corp, GM and GE to create The American Big Brother, the company that produces everything.

Posted in Miscellaneous

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